I understand that shrubs, hereafter referred to as the stupid bush, needs pruning, but who thought pruning could be so hard? First of all, I don't give a flying flip when I'm supposed to prune. I prune out of necessity. This time I bought some lovely hanging baskets of flowers and the bush stuffed it's nose rudely up the flowers butt. Sigh...time to prune.
I started hacking at the top. The top was a flattop. That's a style right? No? Ok, working my way down, and around and standing back periodically to assess my work. Wait it looks like fat guy with a fat head. More trimming, more sweating, (who knew pruning was such hard work?), stand back and assess - now his head is slimmer but he's got fat bulging out on one side. How unsightly. This bush is ugly. Can plant life even be ugly? Skinny down the head, the sides, stand back again......
Several smaller bulges but not too bad, it's good enough right? When did my standards become so shockingly low? I agonize over my hair but this bush is a guy right? Guys don't do that so good enough is good enough.
Bushwacking is a skill it turns out. One more thing they don't teach in school, along with how to write a resume and how to housetrain your pet before killing it. Or yourself.
Next time - How to keep your hanging baskets of flowers alive despite all the prayers and fertilizing and kind words. I'm going to talk to a gambling addict. They always say they have a plan, and boy do I need one.
